Top 15 Conversations to Have Before Building an ADU with Family

Building an ADU is as much of a family decision as it is a construction project. Open discussions help prevent misunderstandings about money, ownership, and boundaries. As you connect with family members to discuss building an ADU and living closer together, be sure to consider both construction-phase choices and post-construction living dynamics. Include siblings, advisors, and everyone impacted in the planning process.

Clear communication now = stronger relationships and smoother outcomes later. To get things started, we’ve put together a list of what we feel are the top 15 topics to discuss together:

1. Ownership & Legal Structure

Clarify who will own the ADU and the land (the child, parent, or both) and how that will be reflected on title and in any agreements.

2. Funding & Financial Contribution

Discuss how the ADU will be paid for (gift, loan, co-investment, or lease) and how that affects future financial relationships or estate plans.

3. Impact on Siblings & Family Fairness

Address how the financial gift or investment will be viewed within the family. Will it count as an advance inheritance or remain separate from future estate distribution?

4. Tax & Legal Guidance

Engage a CPA or estate attorney early to evaluate potential gift-tax filings, deductions, and long-term impacts on both parties.

5. Long-Term Intent & Use

Decide the ADU’s purpose: parent housing, rental income, guest use, or future downsizing. Align on how that may evolve over time.

6. Decision-Making During Construction

Determine who will oversee the builder, approve design changes, and handle cost overruns or change orders.

7. Privacy & Boundaries

Plan for daily comfort by considering proximity, noise, visitors, and shared spaces. Discuss what independence looks like for both parties.

8. Shared Property Use

Clarify access to driveways, storage, laundry, gardens, or outdoor areas to prevent future misunderstandings.

9. Utility & Expense Sharing

Outline who pays for utilities, internet, garbage service, landscaping, and maintenance — especially if systems are shared.

10. Insurance & Liability

Confirm how property, liability, and renter’s insurance will be handled for each structure and whether separate coverage is required.

11. Maintenance & Repairs

Agree on responsibilities for routine upkeep, landscaping, and future repairs. Consider creating a shared maintenance fund.

12. Property Taxes & Value Changes

Discuss how adding the ADU affects total property taxes and home value and how that impacts future refinancing or sale decisions.

13. Living Environment Dynamics

Acknowledge potential friction points: different schedules, lifestyles, or expectations about visits, childcare, and shared spaces. Set respectful boundaries in advance.